This anonymous data helps us to better understand users' needs and customize the website accordingly. You have no choice. AddThis sets this cookie to ensure that the updated count is seen when one shares a page and returns to it, before the share count cache is updated. ", 3. Associated with Amazon Web Services and created by Elastic Load Balancing, AWSELB cookie is used to manage sticky sessions across production servers. The table has tilted, folks. Rubicon Project sets this cookie as an internal user identifier that stores user data to be used for analytics. "The Christians gave Him Sunday, the Jews gave Him Saturday, and the Muslims gave Him Friday. The Bachelorette's Angie Kent and Carlin Sterritt have been on holiday together in Vietnam the past week and sharing lots of glamorous selfies. Could it be that 'I do' is the longest sentence? 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. Men are insecure about the size of their dicks, and so they have to kill one another over the idea. This is what we have to offer. Elect me. Put the blame where it belongs: on the people. "Weather forecast for tonight: dark. You think your current financial. ", 39. [5] And another one: That doesnt help them. AA: George Carlin can say some outrageous things -- years ago the US Supreme Court found his "seven filthy words" monolgue "indecent." RS: But when he stopped at the National Press Club in. Keep your circle small. ", 67. If you vote, and you elect dishonest, incompetent politicians, and they get into office and screw everything up, you are responsible for what they have done. And if somehow, you must join, if its unavoidable, such as a union or a trade association, go ahead and join. ", 35. George Denis Patrick Carlin was born on May 12, 1937, was an American stand-up comedian, actor, social critic, and author. What if puberty blockers are a kind of sex crime? The Onions fictional editor board asked in a mockery of The Times concern-trolling on trans issues. Save the trees, save the bees, save the whales, save those snails. And the greatest arrogance of all: save the planet. ", 108. ", 116. Dumb ass motherfuckers., The real owners, the big, wealthy business interests that control things and make all the important decisions. ", 101. Whenever some boomer try's to lecture you about how their first job in the 60s they only made $3 an hour, just remember, $3 in 1969 had the equivalent buying power as $25.01 today. Prof Thuggy aka Professor Thug 32K views 1. Theyve long since bought, and paid for the Senate, the Congress, the state houses, the city halls, they got the judges in their back pockets and they own all the big media companies, so they control just about all of the news and information you get to hear. Then they would drink a lot of coffee.' Forget the politicians. "It helps to remember this.. But this week, his voice has brought to life a new anti-Trump video called America Wake Up, created by a. '""The difference between left and right of centeroriginated in the Frenchparliament. "Life is not measured by the number of breath we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. He died in 2008, the week after he had been named the recipient of the Mark Twain Prize . ""This is a little prayer dedicated to the separation of church and state. "Boy, these conservatives are really something, arent they? But there is an I in independence, individuality, and integrity. "Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics ought to be told not to f**k.", 71. You have no choice. "We are a nation of sheep, and someone else owns the grass. (LogOut/ I'm your huckleberry. Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. "That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it. '", 73. Craziest Republican Quotes of the 21st Century, The Funniest Political Quotes of All Time, Funny Arnold Schwarzenegger Quotes as Actor and Politician, Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. ", 89. His entire bit is included in the nearly two-minute video perfectly conjoined with photos of Trump and the results of his administration flood the screen. I firmly believe that if you vote, you have no right to complain. Then you're just what they're looking for. A 2018 survey by the Pew Research Center reports that less than half the country says elected officials care what . George Carlin quotes are hilarious. "Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music. Each one of them has an entire hologram of the universe somewhere within them. ", 113. No nothing. Theyre not interested in that. ", Want more great quotes? Petras said shes glad the industry is finally catching on to her talent. 27 Feb 2023 13:57:17 Thats the problem. George Carlin, I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood. George Carlin, Governments dont want a population capable of critical thinking; theywant obedient workers, people just smart enough to run the machines and just dumb enough to passively accept their situation. George Carlin, How can He be perfect? Ice Cube also recently voiced concerns that neither political party would actually be able to make a positive change for the betterment of Black Americansand that's reportedly the rapper's whole reasoning for working with the White House on the Platinum Plan, which aims to develop Black businesses and communities. "Sometimes people say, 'Do I try to make audiences think?' The cookie, set by Krux Digital, registers a unique ID that identifies a returning user's device. ""Think about how stupid the average person is, and then realize that half of 'em are stupider than that. When a . ""The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post 'Thou shalt not steal,' 'Thou shalt not commit adultery,' and 'Thou shalt not lie' in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. "Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? An old clip of George Carlin is gaining new life after this weeks reports from the Supreme Court on abortion. The cookie is used for storing the start and end of the user session for nielsen statistics. - Doc Holliday. You and I are not in The Big Club. Everybodys going to save something now. It gloriously backfired, Dictionary.com just added several new LGBTQ+ words & also grundle, Love, drugs & the club: As a gay man, life looks different with a new disability, Kim Petras says the road to fame while trans was twice as long, School bans parents as a threat to kids over LGBTQ-affirming posts, Sam Smith is trending on Twitter and the discourse is truly Unholy. he was a conservative. And nobody seems to notice. YouTube sets this cookie via embedded youtube-videos and registers anonymous statistical data. January Nelson is a writer, editor, and dreamer. "The reason they call it the American Dream is because you have to be asleep to believe it. They dont want a population of citizens capable of critical thinking. The fact that Americans will probably remain willfully ignorant of the big red, white, and blue dick that's being jammed up their assholes every day, because the owners of this country know the truth: It's call the Amercian Dream because you have to be asleep to believe it.". ", 79. After that, they don't want to know about you. 1. The cookies is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Necessary". If youre preborn, youre fine; if youre preschool, youre fucked. "I don't have pet peeves. The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, "You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.". Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. ", 30. The domain of this cookie is owned by Nielsen. AddThis sets this cookie to track page visits, sources of traffic and share counts. ", 97. In 1972, he was arrested for violating obscenity laws after his infamous comedy sketch, 7 Words You Can Never Say On Television. "When you step on the brakes, your life is in your foots hands. Carlin also said conservatives claim theyll do anything for the unborn. And nobody seems to notice. Installed by Google Analytics, _gid cookie stores information on how visitors use a website, while also creating an analytics report of the website's performance. Enjoy! Maybe something else sucks around here like, the public. They dont give a fuck about you. These George Carlin funny quotes on religion, government, and stupid people will make you laugh as well as think about things deeply. ", 107. These cookies help provide information on metrics the number of visitors, bounce rate, traffic source, etc. George Carlin : Designed to scare and control primitive people. I mean, life is tough. ", 81. Check out100 Best Dad Jokes50 Thinking of You Quotes50 Friday Quotes50 Monday Motivation Quotes101Bad Puns200Jokes for Kids, Seven Words You Can Never Say on Television. They never mention that part to us, do they? - Gin Wigmore. Carlin's rueful 1996 routine about conservatives' opposition to abortion ("they will do anything for the unborn, but once you're born, you're on your own") became a newly viral phenomenon and. Term limits ain't going to do any good; you're just going to end up with a brand new bunch of selfish, ignorant Americans. "Electricity is really just organized lightning. This is one of the greatest social and political commentaries of the modern era. A unique user identifier cookie, set by Microsoft Application Insights software, that enables counting of the number of users accessing the application over time. We use cookies on our website to give you the most relevant experience by remembering your preferences and repeat visits. ", 90. "He and if there is a God, I am convinced he is a he, because no woman could or would ever f**k things up this badly. You have owners. "I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately. With his daring satirical jokes, his words will make you laugh and make you think profoundly about everything you experience. ""These days many politicians are demanding change. ", 72. On Election Day, I stay home. It's kind of bread-and-butter liberal (which during the counterculture 60s was pretty radical, but maybe not very en vogue with a younger crowd nowadays who are a bit more lefty). The __gads cookie, set by Google, is stored under DoubleClick domain and tracks the number of times users see an advert, measures the success of the campaign and calculates its revenue. The demdex cookie, set under the domain demdex.net, is used by Adobe Audience Manager to help identify a unique visitor across domains. No nothing. On July 26, a 2-minute video created by Pattern Integrity Films was published on YouTube, and it quickly took off via social media. The embattled gay representative has denied his drag persona, but these three performers have embraced her with comedic flair! It helps in improving the performance. The video featured audio from George's Wake Up America bit combined with imagery of events and people in today's society. Out of these, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. ", 92. Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. "'Bipartisan' usually means that a larger-than-usual deception is being carried out. "I think everyone should treat one another in a Christian manner. That's what the owners count on; the fact that Americans will probably remain willfully ignorant of the big red, white and blue dick that's being jammed up their assholes everyday. ", 5. the politicians are put there to give you the idea that you have freedom of choice. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. This cookie supports the website's live support provider. George Carlin. It creates a hostile work environment. ", 102. They want it back so they can give it to their criminal friends on Wall Street, and you know something? You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. "Everyone should try to scratch their name on the bomb of life. ""Conservatives say if you don't give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. "It's called the American dream . He also suggests that politicians are merely the puppets bringing big businesses plans and ideas to fruition. ", 94. The rights and the rights of property. Teach them to question what they read. Carlin, who was known for spewing critical rhetoric against the government, organized religion and big business, first delivered the quote during his 2005 HBO comedy special, Life Is Worth Losing. ", 82. He has been widely cited as a political humor expert and authored two books on the subject. "Tell people there's an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you. If he wants to just lecture with his opinions then he gets lectured back with other peoples opinions. '", 70. ", 83. Just like homeless people. ", 55. "Never argue with an idiot. Even right-wingers are getting tired of their queerphobic schtick. (LogOut/ Set by addthis.com to determine the usage of addthis.com service. These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. 234. "Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. ", 122. This cookie, set by Cloudflare, is used to support Cloudflare Bot Management. Thats what the owners count on. I see a glass that's twice as big as it needs to be. By programmers in one hour. After that, they don't wanna know about you. May 12, 1937 - June 22, 2008. Why? ", 40. Which doesn't make any sense at all. "I bet you anything that 10 times out of 10, Nicky, Vinny and Tony will beat the s**t out of Todd, Kyle and Tucker. ", 24. Weve addedyearstolifenotlife to years. George Carlin, Heres a bumper sticker Id like to see: We are the proud parents of a child whos self-esteem is sufficient that he doesnt need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car. George Carlin, Well, if crime fighters fight crime and firefighters fight fires, what do freedom fighters fight? George Carlin, Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. George Carlin was a comedian and social critic. If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you're going to get selfish, ignorant leaders. They want more for themselves and less for everybody else, but Ill tell you what they dont want. The test_cookie is set by doubleclick.net and is used to determine if the user's browser supports cookies. Conservatives want live babies so they can raise them to be dead soldiers. As for the poor, they tell us theyve lost all incentive because weve given them too much money. I think. Here is one I would suggest: Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was. George Carlin, How is it possible to have a civil war? George Carlin, Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that. The __qca cookie is associated with Quantcast. Learn how your comment data is processed. ""Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. "I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Over time, though, his success grew. ", 103. You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school. Theyll get it. He always needs money! LinkedIn sets this cookie from LinkedIn share buttons and ad tags to recognize browser ID. Everybody complains about politicians. Twitter sets this cookie to integrate and share features for social media and also store information about how the user uses the website, for tracking and targeting. and if you want to make this about "comedy" then Carlin should tell these things called "jokes". George Carlin, Meow means woof in cat. George Carlin, When youre born you get a ticket to the freak show. Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time. This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. I took his shoes. It seems only right. They say, 'If you don't vote, you have no right to complain,' but where's the logic in that? 125 George Carlin Quotes 1. Trump did not fall to Earth from. of American cultural paradoxes.. Simple thing. Every now and then you find yourself in a different place. They don't fall out of the sky. And just dumb enough to passively accept all these increasingly shittier jobs with the lower pay, the longer hours, the reduced benefits, the end of overtime and vanishing pension that disappears the minute you go to collect it, and not theyre coming for your Social Security money. If you're born in America you get a front row seat. Everybody complains about politicians. "Governments don't want well-informed, well-educated people capable of critical thinking. ", 111. Carlin passed away in 2008 before he could see the prescience of his comedic wit and intelligence with the rise of Republican Donald Trump's candidacy this year. The legendary comic, who died in 2008 at the age of 71, is also the subject of an upcoming two-part documentary, George Carlins American Dream, which debuts on HBO Max later this month: By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong. George Carlin, I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimers disease where they slowly began to recover other peoples lost memories. George Carlin, When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. ", 4. Its called fucking with people! ", 2. ", 64. "I have certain rules I live by. "Now, there's one thing you might have noticed I don't complain about: politicians. RIP George Carlin. ", 104. The v1st cookie is set by TripAdvisor to collect details about how visitors use the website, by displaying user reviews, awards and information received on the TripAdvisor community. "Forget the politicians. Because he was a genius, and here are 11 quotes that prove it: 1. In fact, liberals are so successful at winning the culture war that they are alienating most Americans. "When you're born into this world, you're given a ticket to the freak show. ", 100. The quote continues: "They own all the important land. It enables the embedding of Mix Cloud audio player. I say: 'No no no,' because that really would be the kiss of death," Carlin said in his final interview before his death in 2008. ", 9. Thats against their interests. ", 77. And nobody seems to notice, nobody seems to care. From Life Is Worth Losing. I don't always agree with everything he says, but I always listen Given the nature of our current Administration, I thought it timely to revisit what George said years ago (Back In Town HBO Special, 1996 . ", 50. Enter your email address below then click "FOLLOW" to receive email notifications of new posts. On Sunday, the 29-year-old Angie revealed that not . ""Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. "I'm happy to tell you there is very little in this world that I believe in. In the standup special, which premiered just three years before Carlin's death, the comedian claims that "the real owners are the big wealthy business interests that control things and make all the important decisions." No nothing! I don't like cats. George Carlin quotes and jokes about politics and religion "Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. YSC cookie is set by Youtube and is used to track the views of embedded videos on Youtube pages. 2. "Things you never hear: 'Please stop sucking my d**k or I'll call the police. "Everyone smiles in the same language. And complaining about the politicians. Well, we know what they want: They want more for themselves and less for everybody else.".

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