Just blacked out for a second there! Easy Eddo. [Greg leaves as Willie walks in with Waldo and the crowd boos him. Alright. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: The Snooze Juice. Now hit the sack. Steve Urkel: My "play-ground pass"? Laura: There's an Urkel in our defense department? Eddie: [while Eddie and Carl where doing wiring for the satelite dish] Be Careful with those wires Dad. The Its PurpL logo features the young mug of White as Steve Urkel, with his signature Coke-bottle spectacles and high-top fade haircut that blends into a purple haze riding above the floating. Waldo Faldo: Be careful he has another one. Why, I guarantee you he has studied the best! Steve looks at Laura], [At The Winslow home in the alternate world]. Halawna, Oneisha: [pop up in the car Clarence stole] Surprise! The people that did this to us are teaching the same GARBAGE to their kids. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: I have been scared straight, I saw a guy who had a tattoo of a battleship. I'm drawn to you. Harriette Winslow: Abrasive? Carl Otis Winslow: I understand that. Rachel Crawford: Sort of an Urkel Exchange Program? There is no Steve here. What is the value of X? Steve Urkel: I think it's because these pants are so loose! Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Ok, you talked me into it. ABC/Warner Bros Remember Steve Urkel? That's Lt. Murtaugh. [opens fire at Urkelbot who catches all the rounds in his hand], Urkelbot: [Urkelbot walks up to the robber and drops the bullets on the floor before lifting the robber off the floor with one hand], Urkelbot: [Terminator Impression] Hasta la vista, baby! Wha? Second, no one must ever know about this "non-date". Harriette: I guess it wouldn't hurt to take a home economics class. Steve Urkel: Well, it starts out with a little cough. Harriette Winslow: And I always mark the year, you gave it to me. I'd lay one on you that would weld your glasses to your face. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Forget it, Carl, it's quicksand. [Waldo has just given Eddie a list of IOU at Mighty Weenie]. Waldo Geraldo Faldo: [after pulling his underpants out of his jeans] Sir, would you do me the honor of autographing my boxer shorts? Now can you give me one good reason why I shouldn't ground you for the rest of your life. If you have something to say, just spit it out. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Laura, I kept this ring in hopes that one day you would accept it. But our little town only had ONE library, and it was for whites only. Sure, it may cover your hiney, but if you make a habit of it, you've got a serious problem. Myra Monkhouse: No, I came to visit my Aunt Monica, she's the Reverend Mother here, now why on earth would I join a convent? Ordinarily, I like a table right next to the water. Harriette Winslow: Not as rough as Aunt Clotilda. In fact, I'm grounded. Seems I'm having all the luck. Steven Quincy Urkel: [Grabs a blanket and a pillow and heads to the bathroom only to rush back out seconds later] No! Played by Jaleel White, Urkel joined "Family Matters" at the end of its first season, which one of his castmates says was a production decision that changed everything. Got anything in the fridge? Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Harriette, there is a child outside digging up your azaleas. That's one for the books! Could you write that 'A' down on a piece of paper? Laura Lee Winslow: One of them is my best friend. I'm being rejected in my own fantasy. Carl Otis Winslow: [pulls up a chair] Sit down, Edward. He opted ofr early retirement. Alexandre Dumas was black. Look how big and thick it is! Carl Otis Winslow: That boy is Looney Tunes. Carl Otis Winslow: [after being frightened by Pablo, the stick bug] Did you see the size of that thing? Carl Otis Winslow: Well Harriette, what are those people teaching down at that school? Or are they just lame? He's usually knee deep in dead mosquitoes. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Dad, cash is so impersonal. Maxine: Ugh, what is this? Steve Urkel: [Pointing to the floor] Him. Carl Otis Winslow: There was an E.Coli scale in the chocolate and I tasted a few to make sure the box was safe. Harriette Winslow: Honey, that's not true. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Wrong, cummerbund breath. Because check this out buddy, you're alone. Sergeant Shishka: Don't insult my Army. Steve Urkel: My uncle, Elijah Urkel, has been struck by lightning four times. Cassie Lynn: That may be what happened, but that won't be what the people believe. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Well of course it's a Greek party, it's a sorority! The next minute rump roast! The lovestruck genius of Steve Urkel. Carl Otis Winslow: No. Steve Urkel: I will not be bullied! Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: When you're hurting other people it ain't harmless. Waldo: Just the stuff Steve told me to say. You think it's cool to come to a prty with a mini bar in your coat. It is always tomorrow with that boy. You've been saying it for weeks. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Waldo come to the Witness Stand. Why would somebody do this to me?' [Steve is eating frozen fish sticks out of the box]. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: It was Jan Matzeliger, in 1883. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: [to Carl] I know you're stubborn as a mule but you don't have to act like a jackass! Chocum hi chip chok!". Cassie Lynn: Well, we just got some really hot photos of you being romanced by the Prince of Passion here. The hot chocolate will be ready soon. Laura Lee Winslow: Hey, my locker's open! Cassie Lynn: Look, Becky Sue. Carl Otis Winslow: I recognized him right away. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Chuck is twice the man Raoul is. Heapingly, overflowingly, full! Carl: Rough. And we practiced for six minutes! Can you help me out? Harriette Winslow: She's still pretty upset, she wouldn't even touch her dinner. 8. Eddie: Oh no, I forgot all about the car show. Steven Quincy Urkel: Gee, I don't know, the speedometer only goes to thirty. College Problems Student Problems Steve Urkel: Practice. Waldo Geraldo Faldo: [talking to Chondra in the bar about Maxine] Aww, yeah, she's a sweetheart but if she caught us in here together she'd rip off your arm and beat me with it. [Comes out and fights Willie as the students cheer for a fight between Urkel and Fuffner], [Waldo and Wille has just gotten out of class to trash Urkel's locker]. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: But you can't fire Waldo, he's our friend. Steve Urkel: Uh no. Weasel: Yeah chill. All these people think the party is tonight. Was I about to take the Big Sleep? All we had to do was drop some dead guy off at the graveyard. Harriette, THERE IS A CAR IN THE LIVING ROOM! Steve Urkel: Of course. Lt. Murtaugh: Yeah like that's gonna bring him back. Harriette: [still unsympathetic towards Eddie's selfishess] Fair? Bushwhacker Luke: Me mother was arrested by cops last night! Now, I'm gonna give you a compliment. I'd lay one on you that would weld your glasses to your face. I'm Stefan sweet thing. Rachel Crawford: Well, Steve, I am your boss. I was on the bus on the way to day camp when all of a sudden my eyes started to water and I started coughing up all this green stuff. Myra Monkhouse: Eddie, Waldo? Waldo, you may go now. Carl Otis Winslow: Now honey, it's really ok Harriette Winslow: No it's not ok, Carl. Wha? Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: [to Laura] Sugar, I realize you're having a hard time, but you've got to stand up for whatever you believe in, or things will never change. Sorry I'm late, but I got my tongue stuck in the printing press. I realize the reason you don't love me is because I'm weak. You trifled with my emotions! Harriette Winslow: I know. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Get lost, Laura! Why that low-down-cheap-bunder-headed-mud-slinging-bush-wacking-slanderous-snake-in-a-skirt is blackmailing you! Steve Urkel: I've got an Uncle Dirk Urkel who was blessed with a two-foot long nose hair. Steve Urkel: Why, sure! Suppose I made it happen. Well, name a couple. Laura Lee Winslow: Steve, could you go a little faster? Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Carl and his father planned on doing a lot of things together, but they never got the chance. Mont gio sam eea!". A small gastronomic goof up. Laura: Thank you, Steve. Rachel Crawford: Exactly what were Eddie's instructions? I probably had the heater up on high and they wilted. Weasel: Hey loosen up, Eduardo. Steve Urkel: You mean, you want to kiss me? Laura Lee Winslow: Yeah, that's right, how'd you know? Forget it, Steve. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Uh no, Waldo, state your name. Steve Urkel: [ice pack on his head from a hangover, Carl just told him a story from his drinking days] Eh he he, ow, eh he he ow, [snorts] WHOOAAOOH! Waldo Geraldo Faldo: Uh, uh isn't this the Zorro audition? You have a lot of qualitites girls really go for. The Nineties. [Comes in the lving room with Mother Winslow as Eddie is taking his frustrations out on his sack of dirty laundry because Carl has just taken Waldo to the Chicago Bulls game instead of him]. Introducing yourself to someone new is always scary, whether you're on an app or in person, since the possibility of rejection is part of the deal. Doo da doo da. Carl Otis Winslow: 150 extra people on what should've been a small family affair. Steve Urkel: Boyd whipped Eddie. [laughs] But you never smile! No. Richie Crawford: I can break all this stuff. Laura Lee Winslow: No, it's the whole school! He's gonna drive us tonight. My mom's the one who really messed up. Laura: [grabbing his arm] Ooh! Well let me tell you something sir, if that's the kind of boss you are. Harriette Winslow: You most certainly do. Steve Urkel: Why, come back here, you little hussy! Steve Urkel: Well, ya see, we had a little muffin mayhem. Steve Urkel: Ready, my sweet? Eddie: Man, I don't have time to study. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Dad, when are we leaving? Here is the updated version of every line of Urkel's famous: "I've fallen and I can't get up" line from the show Family Matters.Here are the episodes in orde. Gun, Carl. Waldo Geraldo Faldo: Cheating is wrong, Eddie, and you should know that. For that matter why isn't everybody? And I know that baseball card meant a lot to you. Laura Lee Winslow: No surprise visits from Steve Urkel. Urkelbot: [sneaks up behind the robber and surprises him] Freeze! Stefan Urkelle: Go home, go home, GO HOME! Steve Urkel: Swell, Punch! From 1989 to 1998 (via IMDb ), White . Steve Urkel: I know! Harriette Winslow: Now let me get this straight. Donna Santangelo: And get this, Urkel's tuxedo fits! [Eddie comes crashing through the living room in the car], [Stefan did not take his "cool boost" for that week - he wants to turn back into Steve]. Judy: Were all of Dad's friends named Darnelle? Laura Lee Winslow: No it wasn't. He's so sad he could depress Richard Simmons. Carl and Eddie are also shocked too]. [kisses Laura] Love you. Urkel defeats him]. The only reason I asked you to be my partner was because I was worried about my grade. When you make a mistake, fess up to it. Boyd broke my glasses. Ms. Steuben: All right, class. Ms. Steuben: Oh, good. You're making me blush. But honey, let's put a positive spin on it. You showed me a picture of your dog. Eddie: I'm the one who's taking the test. We're starved. [Notices no one is there anymore] Well, I thought it was a good story. Why would anybody want to kill her? Stefan Urkelle: Wake me, shake me, break me, but baby, don't forsake me. Or was it yellow? Steve Urkel: I can't! Needless to say she's not amused as he jumps on there]. Steve Urkel: No, but it was moving kinda fast. Carl Otis Winslow: Well yeah. Laura: [Long pause] Your looks. Waldo: [Monotone while Steve mouths his words with him] Pablo was a kind and gentle creature. Harriette Winslow: You eat all that ice cream and you can kiss your diet goodbye. THIS? And we practiced for six minutes! We were just having a little fun. Some Sorry looking roses that are 3 hours away from potpourri. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Carl, you lazy slug! So go ahead, FIRE ME! Steve Urkel: Yeah, but now I have an excuse. Harriette: Come on, sweetie, let's get you home and then I can put some antiseptic on those cuts. He held operations in Chicago. . Waldo: I can't talk to girls. Steve Urkel: Oh, why not? Laura: I couldn't have done this without you. Did you think of me while you guys were camping? Steve Urkel: Well, because it's different. Right now you have over a 100 crazed teenagers in your backyard ready to boogie. Quotes.net. Harriette Winslow: [Takes an envelope from Carl] 'Lose Weight, Feel Great at Chicago's Premiere Health Spa, Hip Whippers'. Carl Otis Winslow: Society places too much emphasis on being thin. Steve Urkel: Oh, no buts! It was the most terrifying five minutes of my life, second only to watching Lord of the Dance! Stefan and Myra of left stunned]. First of all, this is not a real date. Carl, Eddie: [after Carl gets shocked from the electrical current] STEVE! Rachel Crawford: Mother Winslow, when you when you Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Bite the big one? Steve Urkel: [Rushed] That's all. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Well, what are you waiting for? Carl Otis Winslow: [kisses the ice cream carton] Goodbye. Harriette Winslow: No, you don't have to remind me of nothing. [Laura has stuffed her bra with Eddie's socks], Steve Urkel: [entering] Hi gang! Carl Otis Winslow: Yep, Benjamin Banneker. Steve Urkel: [Runs across the couch to get away] Fine, fine, fine! I'm a person, and I have feelings, and I demand to be treated with respect and dignity! Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: You know, I never thought I'd see the day that I actually agreed with Waldo Geraldo Faldo. Judy Winslow: Brussels sprouts make me wanna puke. Carl Otis Winslow: Might have. Bye! Laura: Well, that's because you have self-confidence. Carl Otis Winslow: I didn't bring my gun. When I said my feelings for you might change, I was lying. "Tomorrow Dad!". Carl Otis Winslow: Two stalks of broccoli and three pieces of asparagus? It seems the guy that you purchased your stereo equipment from didn't want you to fill in any important paper work. They're disgusting. Yesterday he said 'get lost, Fido Face!' [takes note and crumbles it, Laura slams locker door, revealing the word 'N*gger' spray painted on it]. Carl Otis Winslow: Edward Arthur Winslow, son I'm ashamed of you. Harriette Winslow: Carl Winslow, this is the most insensitive, unromantic gift I have ever received. Steve Urkel: Oh, Gosh golly, Jeepers Creepers. Steve Urkel: [drinking spiked punch] What is this? Steve Urkel: Hi Laura, my little sweet potata! [Eddie agrees as Mother Winslow and Harriette walks out of the living room]. Stefan Urquelle: You can take a bus or an airplane. Stefan Urkelle: I'll have to buy new parts for the chamber. Waldo Geraldo Faldo: Oh don't worry they promised to come back tomorrow. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: [brings her in to meet the Winslows] Now don't worry, they don't bite, and even if they do they've had their shots. Harriette Winslow: Now here's something I didn't know. Laura Lee Winslow: I don't know, and quite frankly, I'm tired of thinking about it. I just spend two hours talking a guy off a ledge, then found out he was a window washer. When I was born when the doctor slapped me, I SHOT him! Harriette Winslow: Oh no no no. [He leaves and minutes later Urkel is playing Danny Boy on his accordion]. Jaleel White had a very busy handful of years in the '90s. [poins to the part on Harriette's diary] Aha, it's over with me and Raoul. I wanna show you something. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: DAN DRUFF? He's usually knee deep in dead mosquitoes. No more chimes. Stefan Urkelle: Good lord, you're a nerd. Now I know, I'm not worthy of you- but I love you more now then I did then- Laura Lee Winslow- will you marry me? Carl: [in an Urkel like voice and gives Stefan some money] Here takes some casher rooney and fix it sooney. often referred to simply by his surname, Urkel, is the main protagonist of Family Matters. Steve Urkel: A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do. Gun, Carl. Shen I suggested it, her lovely eyes were momentarily clouded with nausea. Laura Lee Winslow: You're lucky, you got into a great fraternity and all it cost you was your best friend. Curtis Williams: Laura, great timing. Steve Urkel: [shows up in the living room with his flowers from the cemetery] Hi Laura, these are for you. Harriette Winslow: [feigns being touched] Oh, Carl this is beautiful. Ms. Steuben: But here you are. Your eyes are like the ocean; I could swim in them all day. Oh, good. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: This diary belongs to Harriette and I will not violate her privacy. [Notices Maxine & Laura left the living room] Well, I thought it was a good story. Carl: [Urkel Voice] In the meantime, I have to break the news to Harriette. Steve Urkel: Is there anything I can do for you while I'm down here waiting? Carl Otis Winslow: Oh, well how did that happen? He's half-Nerd, Half-Carl. 11 days ago. Rodney Beckett: YOU thought you were smart? You dumped one of my relatives in a Hefty bag. Carl: 3, 2, 1 1, 2, 3 What the heck is bothering me? Carl: AAAAAAHHHHHHH! I can almost see what you had for lunch! I wouldn't know what to charge. I tried to help you! Rachel Crawford: Uh, Steve, would you mind coming over to the restaurant on Sunday at about 7:30? Stefan Urquelle: Steve, what's up with your cousin? [music abruptly stops] Look at yourselves. Carl Otis Winslow: What did she have to say? Rachel Crawford: How 'bout double the usual? Fortunately, when I was young I had no friends. You know, I was exposed to this sort of thing when I was growing up, but I always hoped it would be different for my kids. He couldn't cover his head with his hat. Would you care to heal them with a kiss? I'm wearing a Bart Simpson's mug. Carl Otis Winslow: [ordering in a coffee shop] Just a bearclaw and a coffee. Rachel Crawford: Little Richie spoke his first word. Overall, Steve's good intentions trump his flaws and give the audience a plethora of laughs every time he comes onscreen and says, "Did I do that?" Without Steve Urkel, Family Matters would have been overlooked as just another TGIF Friday night comedy show. Aunt Oona: Well not good, my kitchen exploded. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: March 10, Went to the market. Steve Urkel: Now that Waldo's out of the picture, does that make me your number one reject? Steve Urkel: Uh, Eddie, is this a bad time? Edward 'Eddie' Winslow: [not knowing Steve and Laura saw each other naked] All right, chicken. But, it's only a compliment and it doesn't mean anything more than that. Let eserviate on the bright side. I may get F's, but, by God, I earn them! [laughs]. Rachel Crawford: It's okay, Steve. I just wish it would all go away, Daddy. All kids 7 and up go to Eddie's room and play Nintendo. Bushwhacker Luke: Me and me brother, we hate cops! Eddie: I don't believe wat just happened, dad took Waldo to the bulls game. Edward, sure I got a moment. To rob and murder? Eddie has lied . Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Hey dad. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Listen, Melissa may not be a cover girl. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Wait just a minute here, Mr.McClure. Let's trot on over there and see what develops. Steve Urkel: [Hanging on a ledge] I've fallen and I can't get up! Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Wait Wait. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: [cracks a laugh but tries to stop] It's so sad. Steve Urkel: Uh-oh, Mr.Frostbite. 1. You're taking me out for dinner at Chez Josephine's. Carl Otis Winslow: He and Steve got busted for gambling. Steve Urkel: Hey, you gotta get up if want to get dow oh [guests scream as Steve falls off the edge of the roof]. In Season 1 he was a supporting character and made his first appearance as a background character in Rachel's First Date and had his first major role in "Laura's First Date", however as of Season 2 he was officially considered a main character . Steve Urkel: How tough am I? Laura, please. Harriette Winslow: What's wrong with that? Originally slated to be a one-time-only character on the show, he broke out to be its most popular character and gradually became its protagonist. Waldo: Laura, I know I'm just wasting my time, but would you like to kinda, maybe go out with me, sorta, tomorrow night, maybe? Laura Lee Winslow: If I hadn't started that petition, none of this would've happened. There's room for you and there's room for me although let's be quite honest, you take up a lot more room than me. He heads downstairs to confront Steve]. But, like they say in the movie "Love Story" 'Love means never having to say I'm sorry Steve, but I'm takin' yo chick'. ", Harriette Winslow: She looked at me with tears in her eyes, and she said "Why, Mom?". Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Laura, suppose I arrange for you to meet Johnny Gill personally. And, he's got something that he didn't have before. Laura: Steve, you like this kind of music? [cries]. And OOHHH, and him! Carl Otis Winslow: Look at it again, Harriette. Right now we're going to have a wedding, but directly after that we're going to have a funeral. And, my God, look what you've done to Waldo. Waldo: Fifteen and that's as high as I'm going. It was my nickname in preschool! We only have to make one quick delivery. It's the closest I'll ever get to marrying you- thats why I wanted you to have this- no strings attached- just the one to my heart. Stefan Urkelle: Oh no, I didn't shut off the machine on time. Steven Quincy Urkel: Come on, yeast! What about it, Steve.
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