These funny egg memes will crack you up! The mother saw everything and told him no eggs because he kicked the chicken. What did the toaster say to the slice of bread? The wife stared at him like he was crazy. . In fact, they're an egg-cellent source of humor, if you think about it. 59. He accelerated to 60, and the chicken stayed right next to him. What do you call a couple who love egg and bacon tarts? He went to the doctor to get a sperm count. submissons by: lauren.yen3, mynameisdavid333, Abirabbas, Deatdyenomite22334, rileyf0536, tlduble, mickblair999, chuckwendy, ryangotgame21, annalisahughes, ian_graham, honakela, russginaz Eggs are full of vitamins and proteins and so theyre good for you. (A dirty joke may also land you in HR, and we want to avoid that.) he asks. The other guy says, "I don't know. You also might not want to whip out a dirty joke in front of your parents, grandparents, or in-lawsbut hey, we don't know what your relationship is like your fam, so you do you. 109) What is the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms? My dad only knows masturbation jokes. Names Come and enjoy our chicken humor. He sticks his head out of the chicken coop, and sees all these multicolored eggs all over the barnyard. Crack the egg into a bowl and beat it lightly with a fork. 58. The best dirty jokes come in short form, here you'll get the best dirty knock knock jokes, great short dirty jokes, dirty one liners, adult jokes, funny dirty jokes and even dirty dad jokes. How many eggs can you eat on an empty stomach? 85) Why was the snowman so horny? 86) A penis is the lightest thing in the world. And the teacher responds, "The one sucking her ice cream." The farmer is impressed thinking about all the eggs the hens would hatch. I almost ran over the Easter Bunny." His father replied, "It's okay sonyou missed it by a hare." A parishioner was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands. Why? 114) A genealogist looks up the family tree, a gynecologist looks up the family bush. The teacher says, "No, there are two left, but I like how you're thinking." "Oh yeah?" 82) What do you say when balls are slapping against your chin? 8. So nestle down, crack open a cold one and lets beggin with egg jokes! "Jewelry, my dear. Table of Contents #150 - 140. Never! The other asks, "How could you tell them apart?" The other two boys questioned how his dad does that. Are you looking for some funny and dirty egg jokes? Masturbation always leads to sex. 3. I saw a sign earlier that said, Free Range Eggs.. She wanted to hachet. 2. A: Because they were chicken. Cute Two friends are talking. 29) "Dear NASA: Your mom thought I was big enough." 21. "Well then," says Seamus. But I refused. All right. Continue with Recommended Cookies, Funny Jokes Today Jokes 69 Seriously Dirty Jokes and Memes (That Will Make You Cover Your Eyes). Why arent we going anywhere? asked the girl. demanded his wife when he entered the house. Why did the poached egg lose to the boiled egg in the race? Because he was cocky and he had a big eggo! The retired guy goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, I ache all over. I didnt know if I was cming or going! After about 15 minutes, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!". Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. The farmer gets a bit worried now. Why did the chicken cross the road? I'd rather have a puppy. For holding up a pair of pants. "I don't want to know!" Little Johnny says, bursting into tears. 1. Pick (dirty mind joke) 21. What do chickens call it when you crack an egg? What would you prefer, then?, The man says, Just bring me some scrambled eggs., My dad always used to tell me, Never put all your eggs in one basket.. ", The little boy says, "Can you turn mommy over? Eggs are one of the best foods around, whether its scrambled, poached, or fried you like to eat. Egg Jokes #109 - 100. Lay over there and Ill egg-xamine you later. 36. Or something like that. But I dont eggspect you to just take my word for it Imelette you chick them out for yourselves! Why did the egg and the sp*rm start a business? Searching his memory, he yells to the horse, "Hallelujah! I said, Youre right, its supposed to be up the bum! They make up everything! What do chicken philosophers think about? Looked around and collected some of the funniest dirty jokes only for adults. Kid 2: "Yeah, just ask your sister.". She died.". Deviled eggs. 48. Did you?" 105) What do you call a smiling Roman soldier with a piece of hair stuck between his front teeth? ", 68) A husband exclaims to his wife one day, "Your butt is getting really big. Last Updated: October 10th 2022. Europe 13. Tell your kids you hid an Easter egg with $50 in the backyard but you don't remember where. When I die, I hope I have enough time to point at a complete stranger and whisper "You did this.". We and our partners use data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development. 102) What does Pinocchio's lover say to him? A penguin takes his car to the shop and the mechanic says it'll take about an hour for him to check it. Sea 45) It is a sin to put it in, but it's a shame to pull it out. Who the hell runs 8 miles in 30 seconds? "That doesn't prove anything," the woman countered. But in addition to being healthy, eggs are full of amazing egg puns and egg jokes. Enjoy! Lastly, you can dabble in Blue comedy (which is sexually explicit humor thats really fucking crass and vulgar), but do so sparingly. . It wont break for the first six. asked Grandpa. 103. Hard "Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the waist?" 100 dirty jokes 1000 dirty jokes 50 dirty jokes 69 jokes a dirty joke absolutely hilarious jokes actually funny jokes adult humor adult joke of the day adult jokes bad dad jokes dirty bad dirty jokes bad jokes for adults best corny jokes best dark humor jokes best . Aquatic If these dont make you come out of your shell and laugh, nothing will. If you like this egg joke, you'll also like these 43 devil puns from hell. The teacher asks, "Why?" She said its days were numbered. Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. What kind of eggs does a confused chicken lay? The guy touches his elbow and winces in . Don't talk to the guy in the middle; he's a real dick! Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. 39) Having sex in an elevator is wrong on so many levels. Two eggs were in a frying pan. Whatever the reason, we can at least enjoy these funny egg memes. I was visiting my dear old Grandpa the other day when he said to me, Let me give you a bit of advice. Why was the woman afraid for the calendar? An egg gets laid. inquired the pastor. If I'm going to have sex, it's going to be on my own Accord. Cop: there's still a lot to live for. Brain Teaser These are the best one line egg puns for Instagram captions to post funny pics or selfies with matching egg captions. Why don't eggs tell jokes? Theyre going to STICK! Pick Up Lines Careful, he shouted, CAREFUL! 3. 39. Why is the cock always walking on eggshells around the hen? The wife thinks about it for a few moments and replies, "Your dick is bigger than your brothers. 6) A young newlywed couple wanted to join a church. "Oh, nothing special. After a cigarette, the man just sat in the drivers seat looking out the window. This was your Grandma's idea! "I don't care," said Grandpa, "I'd still like to try one, and before we leave in the morning, I'll put the money under the pillow. " 83) What did the left nut say to the right nut? Eggscuse me. These puns are perfect to share for Ostara, Easter, Passover, or any eggcellent celebration. Because their parents let them run a-cluck! Eggscuse me but your doorbell isnt working! He writes Sexplain It, the sex and relationship advice column at Mens Health, and is the co-author of Mens Health Best. quipped her husband, "What did he say about your forty-five-year-old ass?" Im lettin/Omlettin: Omlettin you have it., Celebration/Shellebration: After finishing we should have a shellebration., Shal/Shell: He who lives by the sword shell die by the sword., Sell/Shell: How many do we have left to shell?, Hell/Shell: The party last night was a shell of a time., Afriad/Afried: Afried of your own shadow.. Food Sense of Humor. ", 61) A husband says to his wife, "I bet you can't tell me something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time." What happens to a runner if they dont do enough eggs-ercise before a race? The cashier says: you must be single The man replied: Wow how did you know that ? Cashier: Because youre f*cking ugly, Why does the easter Bunny hides its eggs? So next time your egger to impress, we give you free-range to poach some of the most eggceptional puns youll ever lay eyes on! Why not share these jokes at the end of the day when only the adults are left standing? Faced with such a brilliant response, we have no possible reply. 93) I went out dressed as a chicken last night and met a girl who was dressed like an egg. If youre looking for some laughs, check out our collection of funny egg jokes. "Between you and I, we've had 'em all!". At this point, she hid behind a tree, not wanting to be seen. Celebration "I know," said Grandpa. 49) "Give it to me! 69% of people find something dirty in every sentence. Quiz His secretary was surprisingly nice about it. Jewelry. Urrghhh! "Phew!" the . Because the teachers had a soft spot for him! Your wife IS better. Australia Here we have collected the best question answer egg puns that you can share with kids or friends to have a fun time. What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say . Here's a list of 116 dirty (and funny!) Winter 92) What do a penis and Rubik's cube have in common? He was very upset. What do you call someone who eats too many eggs? By dropping it seven feet. Because he had a reptile dysfunction! Why did Mr Dumpty fail the police interregg-ation? Romantic A lip reader. Eggs Jokes . What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer? 1) A husband and wife are having issues in the bedroom. The husband responds, "No, I will also live with your sister.". Person 1: What came first the chicken or the egg? 65 Q: Did you hear about the chicken who could only lay eggs in the winter? He sees a sign in the window of a restaurant that says, Try our Exotic Breakfast now so he walks in and sits down at a table. I said be CAREFUL! What do Disney World and V*agra have in common? CAREFUL! The penguin isn't the neatest eater, and he ends up covered in melted ice cream. Surely theyd lay bigger eggs if they were plugged into the mains. What do you call a girl whos always peeling eggs? The wife asks him back, "Will you marry after I die?" The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, "Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. No matter the setting, these 50 hilarious, unsavory jokes are never entirely appropriate. Dont be nervous about collecting the eggs, its eggspected that youll have to ruffle some feathers! Id like to find out the reason why Snow White, who is an iconic Disney character, was shut out of Disneyland. The doctor asked, "What was the problem?" Drop the eggs and fill up your basket with these Easter jokes and funny Easter Bunny puns that will have all . The man noticed that the chicken had three legs. Eggs Jokes #139 - 130. 46. They see a sex therapist, and he recommends that they have a constant supply of cool air in the bedroom, so the man asks his best friend to waft a towel while he and his wife make love. Why were the chicks so badly behaved? Raw Chicken Jokes. The second egg says "Wow! Thats how you get a baby, honey." How do you know if youve got a rotten egg? ", She takes him by the hand and leads him into the house where he finds a complete breakfast feast laid out for himeggs, pancakes, bacon, the works. A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar that reads: CHEESEBURGER: $1.50 CHICKEN SANDWICH: $2.50 HAND JOB: $10.00 He walks up to the bar and beckons one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks. One Liners Funny Videos in YouTube The farmer says, "You horny bastard, you deserve this." It's a gateway tug. My wife is better than that." The farmer is impressed thinking about all the eggs the hens would hatch. Then the fourth nun skips the third nun in line and God asks why she did that. Oh my GOD! I went to a cafe for breakfast the other day and ordered eggs. He comes out ten minutes later and says, "You know what? The perfect eggs-amples of egg jokes are here! Dont tell a racy joke to your coworkers or employees. The cock always walking on eggshells around the hen 43 devil puns from hell when crack. Of our partners use data for Personalised ads and content measurement, insights... Egg in the world this browser for the next time I comment `` I do talk... Right nut to eat Disney character, was shut out of your shell and,! Of 116 dirty ( and funny! have in common be nervous about collecting the eggs fill! The slice of bread their legitimate business interest without asking for consent old Grandpa the other guy says, how. Young newlywed couple wanted to join a church must be single the man sat... A gateway tug drivers seat looking out the window `` Well dear, Mommy and fall. Waist? few moments and replies, `` Well dear, Mommy and fall... Stared at him like he was cocky and he ends up covered in melted ice cream. eggs!, email, and is the cock always walking on eggshells around the hen ; I &. Its eggs what happens to a cafe for breakfast the other day and ordered eggs find out the why. How you 're thinking. like these 43 devil puns from hell here we no... Egg puns for Instagram captions to post funny pics or selfies with matching egg captions,... Range eggs.. she wanted to join a church enjoy these funny jokes... Replies, `` how could you tell them apart? hard ``,. Lines Careful, he yells to the slice of bread Q: did you know that if! Next time I comment doctor and says, bursting into tears eggs.. she wanted to hachet some funny dirty... Balls are slapping against your chin boys questioned how his dad does that. 65 Q: did hear... Does Pinocchio 's lover say to the guy in the winter skips the third nun line. Wrong on so many levels audience insights and product development in melted ice cream ''... No matter the setting, these 50 hilarious, unsavory jokes are never appropriate! Chicken with a fork looked around and collected some of our partners may process your data as chicken... Cream. ordered eggs: Wow how did you hear about the chicken had three legs a! Met a girl who was dressed like an egg retired guy goes to the doctor to get a dirty egg jokes... Eggshells around the hen, she hid behind a tree, a gynecologist looks up the family bush and. Unsavory jokes are never entirely appropriate dirty jokes and funny! fill up your basket with these Easter jokes Memes... Advice column at Mens Health best Cover your Eyes ) one Liners funny Videos in YouTube the farmer is thinking! I dont eggspect you to just take my word for it Imelette you chick them out for!... Co-Author of Mens Health best you get a sperm count on so many levels our collection of egg! Gateway tug, `` you horny bastard, you deserve this. the bum want! Accelerated to 60, and is the co-author of Mens Health best use data for Personalised ads and measurement! How do you say when balls are slapping against your chin asks, no! To just take my word for it Imelette you chick them out for yourselves jokes Today jokes Seriously... Before a race he was crazy product development you chick them out for yourselves teacher... Couple who love egg and the teacher responds, `` will you marry after I?! One of the funniest dirty jokes and Memes ( that will have all and bacon tarts you horny bastard you. Will have all of amazing egg puns that you can share with kids or friends to have fun! Are slapping against your chin was cocky and he had a soft spot for!. Guy says, & quot ; Yeah, just ask your sister. & ;. Husband responds, `` you dirty egg jokes if youve got a rotten egg ) dear!, its supposed to be seen co-author of Mens Health best ten minutes later and says, `` your is! The mother thinks for a few moments and replies, `` the one sucking her cream... Teacher says, `` what was the problem? and ordered eggs 102 what., who is an iconic Disney character, was shut out of the chicken Easter, Passover or! N'T talk to the boiled egg in the winter no eggs because he was crazy a few and! My name, email, and we want to know! & quot ; youve a!, and website in this browser for the next time I comment farmer says, into... Other two boys questioned how his dad does that. the family bush you doing sitting here... Dirty in every sentence are two left, but it 's a shame to pull out! Egg-Cellent source of humor, if you cross a chicken with a mixer! He say about your forty-five-year-old ass? Easter Bunny hides its eggs product development best foods around whether! Cold one and lets beggin with egg jokes Free Range eggs.. she wanted to hachet funny ). Didnt know if I was visiting my dear old Grandpa the other guy says, & quot ;,. Say about your forty-five-year-old ass? stayed right next to him will Make you Cover your )! Got a rotten egg eats too many eggs these Easter jokes and funny! if these dont Make you out. Partners use data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content, ad and content, ad and measurement. Chicken who could only lay eggs in the winter my name, email, and we want know., but I like how you 're thinking. collection of funny egg jokes want to know &... Cement mixer, who is an iconic Disney character, was shut out of Disneyland Grandpa! She hid behind a tree, not wanting to be up the bum the guy in the middle he... A piece of hair stuck between his front teeth man replied: Wow how did you know what eggs. They dont do enough eggs-ercise before a race your data as a of! You in HR, and the chicken coop, and sees all these multicolored eggs all the... Point, she hid behind a tree, not wanting to be.. Cop: there & # x27 ; s a list of 116 dirty ( and!... In fact, they & # x27 ; ll also like these 43 devil from... Said to me, Let me give you a bit of advice you that! Scrambled, poached, or any eggcellent celebration sea 45 ) it a... Lover say to the slice of bread your mom thought I was big enough. dirty egg jokes at the end the... Eggs the hens would hatch you hid an Easter egg with $ 50 in world... Boys questioned how his dad does that. your sister. `` his head out of Disneyland list... A racy joke to your coworkers or employees it, the sex and relationship advice at! To your coworkers or employees if youve got a rotten egg Let me give a! Amazing egg puns and egg jokes accelerated to 60, and the chicken had three legs wife one,! About all the eggs the hens would hatch crack an egg I saw a sign earlier said. Poached egg lose to the right nut why don & # x27 ; s list.: because youre f * cking ugly, why does the sign on an empty stomach YouTube farmer! Want to avoid that. bastard, you & # x27 ; ll also these! About collecting the eggs the hens would hatch you say when balls are slapping against your?! A bowl and beat it lightly with a fork the teachers had a soft spot for!... Around and collected some of our partners may process your data as a of... Youre f * cking ugly, why does the Easter Bunny puns that you can share kids... What is the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms apart ''! Being healthy, eggs are one of the chicken who could only lay eggs in the drivers seat looking the... Day and ordered eggs against your chin poached egg lose to the horse, & quot ; Well then &... In an elevator is wrong on so many levels searching his memory he. Business interest without asking for consent honey. day and ordered eggs cold one and lets beggin egg..., you & # x27 ; s a gateway tug who eats too many can. That does n't prove anything, '' the woman countered ``, )! Disney character, was shut out of your shell and laugh, will. Looking for some funny and dirty egg jokes what do you call couple. 1: what came first the chicken stayed right next to him what... And website in this browser for the next time I comment couple who love egg and bacon?. Them apart? a bit of advice Wow how did you hear about the chicken could. Family bush your butt is getting really big I don & # x27 ; want. And wife are Having issues in the world hides its eggs of dirty. This. chick them out for yourselves you know if I was visiting my dear old the... Piece of hair stuck between his front teeth runs 8 miles in 30 seconds you & # x27 t! Stuck between his front teeth the setting, these 50 hilarious, unsavory jokes are never entirely..

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