The captain went down to check on the treasure to find it sliding around the deck. Infusing a bit of humor into . "Jeez Is that all you people think about?" What do you call the military officer in charge of accounting? What the hell! she said to the genie, I asked for one million dollars! Yes, said the genie, but you didnt specify that it couldnt be in-kind, All right, Ill keep writing more jokes until I have enough to take the show on the road. Its the end of the calendar year, please prepare to close our books so we can do the financial reports, mail out W-2s to our staff, and send 1099s to contractors.. intoned the minister. Father, forgive I think its been a while since I've been to confession and to be sure I must say that the confessional box is much better than it used to be. Throwing all my crap in the garbage this Sunday, 4:15 p.m. I always look forward to his puns now. No, said the CEO. After the service I went to leave. ~ Anonymous Who is rich? "Captain, we should break R Kelly out of prison". When the rules are broken and the status quo is challenged? He found an old lamp, rubbed it, and a genie came out. On the one hand, I like stealing treasure, but on the other hand, I don't want to have to wear a hook. Kid 2: "Yeah, just ask your sister.". Why did Grizzly Adams walk into the financial advisors office? Save my name, e-mail, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Lord, Keep Us Loosely Connected to Your Word 5. that when she couldn't afford pay the Catholic church for her exorcism, they repossessed her. You don't have to marry for money; hang around the rich and marry for love. The priest says, my son, you can't leave the church! Our new treasurer has to also be accomplished in writing reports because our United Students needs a monthly . The priest replies, Get out, you idiot. Answer: Eight! Finally,the priest pounds three times on the wall. These super funny kids jokes are sure to bring a smile and some laughter. We may have to lay off some staff and close several programs, leaving thousands of low-income clients without service.. Comedian Matin Atrushi, Tip-jar humor in our local coffee shop: Afraid of Change? ~ J. Paul Getty I am having an out-of-money experience. Low and behold, a space opens up right in front of him at which time, he looks skyward again and says, "Never mind, I found one. Hi! Additional Websites for Your Laughing Pleasure. "Yes," she said. The oldest one had a stroke. 25 Funny Pirate Jokes for Treasure-Hungry Kids. What do you call a mean bill that hasnt been paid yet? "Quick! The CEO of a large corporation was giving advice to a junior executive. They last saw their hidden treasure in 2007. The minister rings the painter to complain. (Update: See More classic jokes to tell at parties for more hilarious nonprofit jokes.). Me: Yup, it's the sweetest spot in the house. After a brief, fruitless search, he gave up. Never lend money to a friend. The priest coughs a few times to get his attention, but the drunk continues to just sit there. What would master want for a wish?, The Irishman looks to the genie and says oh tats easy! "What!?" The wife turns to the husband and says, "I just let out a silent fart. A drunk staggers into a church, enters a confessional booth, sits down, but says nothing. Vote for _____ Voting _____ for treasurer is the wise choice. The boy is frightened by the image of his stomach exploding, so he stops eating candy. Pirates found a trove of treasure and brought four chests aboard What's a pirates favorite form of treasure? Why did the clown business go bankrupt after 5 years? Now I have $2,999,999.75. From LeaderWorks: helping leaders do their work. Because we all knead it. Dave from my work retired today, at his retirement party he stepped out for a cigarette and I noticed everybody called him Scarecrow, I asked why; I was in small-claims court when I listened in on the case of a woman who held a good job but still had trouble paying her bills on time. Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination. Funny Money Joke 3 The boy looks closely at her stomach, then up to her face, and finally he says to the pregnant woman, "I know what you've been doing.". For twenty seven years hes been cracking puns like theyre knuckles on the hands of someone who cracks their knuckles way too much. What did the policeman say to his hungry stomach? asked the judge. All of these candidates can take on the responsibility of leading as well as contribute to our class as a whole. Kid 1: "I don't have a sister.". Jokes are better than war. Lying on his deathbed, the rich, miserly old man calls to his long-suffering wife. In the unlikely event of loss To get his mind off his losing streak at the racetrack, I took my friend horseback riding. I can't stand them. My husband, an attorney, is frequently consulted by clients who, after learning what the cost of legal services will be, decide to do without his aid. but it includes This book is great all around. The Jew gets up, walks to the podium on which is standing a magnificent statue of Jesus, picks it up and says: "come on Yossle we are not welcomed here". How do you tell how profitable a butter company is? You can do a lot with these accounting jokes. This speech therapy articulation resource contains 300 jokes to help your students work on articulation carry-over and speech sound generalization in a fun, engaging and unique way. Money isn't everything, but it certainly keeps you in touch with your children. But a horrible thing to hear in a Mexican prison. "This first building is my house" he says. He would have made a great second grade treasurer. Treasurer Speech. "Um, no," mumbled the director. Imagine, I have love letters The boys looked at each other and then said in unison, You win, Pastor! Before the pastor begins his sermon he exclaims: "Jews are not welcomed in this church! I only know 25 letters of the alphabetI don't know y. Did you hear about the accountant with the integrity of a set of novels? The millionaire politely asks the bartender for another beer, then proceeds to sip it. No one likes coughing up rent. Business is my game so Vote for _____ Show me the money! A cornfield. Also, loose pirate treasure of gold or silver. You have two wishes remaining. "I want to take all my money with me," he tells her. The sailors are impressed and ask about the second building. Recently the elderly minister Dear IRS: I'm sending you this money because I cheated on my income tax and my conscience has been bothering me. It speaks, Oh master of the lamp, I am your genie and I grant you three wishes., The Irishmans eyes are wide open with glee, his cheeks and nose red with fire, he shouts tree wishes?! After I let one rip with moderate force, my dad responded by bellowing out (in a crowded restaurant) "SPEAK ON SWEET LIPS THAT NEVER TOLD A LIE!". We're just seeing who can tell the biggest lie about his sex life. Driving back from Vermont, I stopped at a vegetable stand. Not long ago, we had lunch at a restaurant and paid the check with singles. Different taste in jokes is a great strain on the affections. Still baffled as she gets to the church, she walks to another nun at the pulpit and asks, "Why does everyone keep asking me if I woke up on the wrong side of the bed today?!" But his first love is always the "C". "John," he says, "youre a successful businessman; surely you could contribute more to the building fund." A moment later, he sees a beautiful empty spot right next to the entrance. 24 Cemetery Jokes Lawyer: "Judge, I wish to appeal my client's case on the basis of newly discovered evidence." Judge: "And what is the nature of the new evidence?" He looks skyward and says, "Lord, if you grant me this space, I'll come to Church every Sunday like a good Catholic should." I took the last nickel I had and bought an apple. Bank Jokes. Touch device users, explore by touch or with swipe gestures. Christmas was at Mom's house this year. Knowledge is the treasure, but judgment is the treasurer of the one who is wise. She has all of the candy and pies and things on the counter in the dinning room. "All that Hubert needs over there is a gal to answer the phone and a pencil with an eraser on it." --Lyndon Johnson on Hubert Humphrey, his vice president. The next day I bought two apples, polished them, and sold them for ten cents each., I see, said the junior executive. The easiest way for your children to learn about money is for you not to have any. 1. The rabbi asked, "And then?" Until he left the church to pursue his career in zoology. Immediately a man at a nearby table rushed up We were eating at one of the trendier restaurants in town when my friend pointed to the menu and told the waitress, "I'll have the 24.". I really cant believe you just read all of those. ', She was wearing a see through blouse and no bra. A last-minute filer walked into our state income tax office and handed me his returns. Frank scribbled back: "Put a new battery in your hearing aid. Don't worry, your email address will not be published. "Your high impact philanthropy doesn't have to focus on achieving social impact," said No One Ever. So I was delighted when I finally got some notice. As she passes her local store, the shopkeeper says, "Wake up on the wrong side of the bed today, Sister?" 100+ best jokes to share with coworkers. You take away the looks, money, intelligence, charm and success and, really, there's no real difference between me and George Clooney. Why wouldn't the shrimp share his treasures. He is riding the horse and gets distracted when he notices he is about to ride off a cliff and begins to yell "Hallelujah! Call people who know what they're doing and ask them what they're doing: Incident Manager. The Higgs replies, "but without me, you can't have mass", The old lady leans over and whispers, "I just let out a really big silent fart, what should I do? " Make your thinking as funny as possible. http://robbieshort.com/images/Ug_Sun_EatInTakeOut.jpg. "that explains one black eye" said his wife, " so how did you get the other one?" I needed to leave for a few minutes, so I asked him to watch them for A Brooklyn caf is charging $12 for a cup of Ethiopian coffee. It is big enough to take care of itself." --Ronald Reagan. It just 'taint yours, and it 'taint mine," she replied. A last-minute filer walked into our state income tax office and handed me his returns. Needless to say, it gave me a start when, looking through the freezer, I found packages labeled steak, chicken breast, and Molly. Boys, boys, boys! Everything you need over 50% OFF. 26022. "This second building is my church" he says "I am a Christian and my faith is very important to me". There's a fully equipped bar with crystal glasses, the best vestry wine, Guinness on tap, cigars and liqueur chocolates nearby. I hate cripple jokes. Theres just something about a good accounting joke that brightens a room. Please post your jokes in the comment section. If they're gay. "* I went to Bank of America to deposit a check, and they asked me for ID. She swallowed a nickel! 03. Sucks. The old man says, "you should replace the batteries in your hearing aid.
